Power of “small talks”, or shaping myself

Many people are very sympathetic to international students and I used to get questions: “Oh, dear, that must have been very hard for you to move away from your family at the age of 17”, or, “How often do you get to see your parents?”, or may be, “Do you miss your country and your family?” Some people even mentioned, “How did your parents let you go alone?” Of course, I miss my family and it was not easy to move away. It is not that my parents did not care about me but it is because they wanted the best life for me and trusted my decisions.

Now, I am happily married, owning a nice downtown condo and having a stable job. I managed to get two degrees and somehow, I have survived despite all of the public concern. I have learnt to adopt and to compromise. So, the question is why do I want to talk about the importance of small talks? I want to emphasize the importance of the basic understanding of building personal connections. The concept that is involved is simple-you have to start a talk.

By saying small talks I mean short conversations, even with strangers. People of different backgrounds and groups have been part of where I am now, and mostly, of who I am. Of course, my family and my husband play a major role but my values are shaped by other acquaintances as well. The constant personal growth on my own would not be as luxurious without those complete strangers who now are my friends.

Kindness and curiosity are so vital in making connections. Kindness has to be pure and not for the purpose of owns benefits. Give more and expect less is the motive in every act. Of course, there are some people who came to my life and then, slowly disappeared but I have learnt to let it go and to move on over time. Having my own independence during college years and coming after has taught me that I need to learn to listen, to have open heart and mind on all perspectives. Here are few tips based on my approach to connecting with people and on the learning to excel in small talks along with ability to personal growth.

“Kindness and curiosity are so vital in making connections. Kindness has to be pure and not for the purpose of owns benefits.”

Genius curiosity

Approach people (your family, co-workers, neighbors, etc.) with curiosity to get to know their situations better, and to get to know them. Do not over compromise as curiosity has to be genius. It is very important to make eye contact and to show your interest. The preaching that it all depends on the personality is very underestimated. Practice and effort can lead to a higher level of feeling comfortable in social situations even for introverts. I make it a priority to get out of my office once or twice per week and talk to my co-workers. Make it your priority to acknowledge people in your life.

Avoid stereotypes and have an open mind

It is very crucial to rationalize thinking before jumping to stereotypes about someone’s background. This is very challenging because as matter we use our own ideology to run to conclusions. A lot of the times we base our opinions from opinions from the media source, our community leaders, or our family. No matter who shaped your stereotypical opinion try to get to know someone better in the first place. Be careful about “jokes” with people from different cultures because if for you it might seem funny, for someone else it can be offensive. Instead, try to block stereotypes by listening to the conversation and asking follow-up questions about interests, may be education, and other relevant topics.

Listen carefully

I mentioned in my point above that the ability to listen helps in the long run to build connections. It also trains our consciousness to remember important facts about that person. By listening we show respect and interest. Some people think that listening might involve only head nodding but it is also asking questions. By asking follow up questions we learn on how to get engaged in the conversations. Follow up questions show that there is a certain level of an interest. Let those people in your life. Ignorance is not acceptable in the ongoing conversation. Engagement and participation not only with words but with body language are also part of the conversation.

Be respectful

Keep in mind that we all come from different experiences, and backgrounds. With that being said, opinions can differ and that it is okay. Instead, try to understand others’ values and life priorities. The most important point to be mature about the approach to different opinions and to take it as a learning experience. Never take others opinions as a personal insult. When it is necessary to show sympathy, be sympathetic. When there is a need to express excitement, be consistent in the conversation.

Do not be afraid to be vulnerable and share personal stories

Finally, it brings to my pivotal and the toughest point. Openly discussing and sharing personal stories brings a vital connection in building trust in relationships. Sometimes, it can hurt to be vulnerable but I am always surprise that others’ experiences often can be similar to my own. Be it an exciting, changing, or emotional life moment most of the time we can find relation to it.

The possibilities to know others are limitless and when opportunities come I hope you take take them with an open mind. It takes some effort and practice to develop skills. I have learnt that generosity is powerful. There is never a bad question to ask as long as genius curiosity is the heart of the conversation. At the end, small conversations can evolved into something larger and better. Now, I am definitely ready for the weekend and a sip of margarita.

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